What I Was Really Trying to Diagnose

I was not hoping for a baby. I was hoping for one clear answer in a season of maybes.

This morning, after dropping the children at school, I went to the chemist and bought a pregnancy test.

Yes. Me.

At 52 years old, with five children and tubes that have been tied for years—and are probably as tired as I am—I stood in the queue holding a R35 pregnancy kit.

I knew pregnancy was highly unlikely. My period had not arrived this month, and in a few days the next one would have been due. The evidence pointed far more convincingly towards perimenopause: a body beginning to change its familiar rhythm and a new chapter of womanhood quietly introducing itself.

So why was my stomach in knots?

What Else R35.00 Could Have Bought

I could have spent that R35 on a footlong, juicy boerie roll smothered in caramelised onions and mustard.

I could have bought a cold pomegranate juice, a pistachio chocolate, or one of those doughnuts filled with melted dark chocolate—the kind that makes you close your eyes for a moment because talking would only interfere with the experience.

Instead, I stood under the chemist’s fluorescent lights, waiting my turn and studying myself in their full-length mirror.

What are you doing?

I do not consciously, subconsciously—or even sub-sub-subconsciously—want to be pregnant. I am not chasing youth, miracle elixirs or immortality. I feel strong. I feel healthy. My weight has remained fairly constant, and physically I feel better than I have in a long time.

But there was the bloating around my belly. There was the nausea that had followed me through the week. There was that small, irritating seed of doubt.

Perhaps the symptoms were real. Perhaps worry made me notice them more. Perhaps both things were true.

I Wanted a Yes-or-No Answer

Pregnancy gives you a test.

Two lines or one. Positive or negative. A clear result that allows you to move into action.

Perimenopause does not always arrive with that kind of certainty. Hormones fluctuate, periods change, and symptoms can appear, disappear and return wearing a completely different hat. One woman’s experience may look nothing like another’s. Online, I have seen lists claiming 34, 48, 61 and even more possible symptoms. The numbers vary, which only adds to the confusion.

The recognised reality is simpler and more honest: perimenopause can affect physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing, and experiences vary widely. Menopause itself is only confirmed retrospectively, after 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period. Until then, many of us live in the land of perhaps.

Perhaps it is perimenopause.

Perhaps it is stress.

Perhaps it is low iron after years of heavy bleeding.

Perhaps it is sleep, thyroid function, nutrition, pain, grief, or several things happening at once.

That is what frightened me more than the pregnancy test: not a baby, but uncertainty.

I did not have the patience to ride another unpredictable wave while trying to remain sane, productive and available to everyone. I wanted a diagnosis I could hold in my hand. I wanted a plan. Give me the name, and I will research it. Give me the work, and I will do it.

Instead, my body seemed to be asking me to listen without first handing me a neat label.

When a Diagnosis Does Not Feel Like the Whole Conversation

Recently, when my body ached, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and offered an antidepressant.

My immediate reaction was: Really? Me? An antidepressant?

To be fair, some medicines classified as antidepressants are also prescribed for chronic pain and fibromyalgia, even when a patient is not depressed. That distinction matters. My frustration was not that the medicine had no medical purpose. It was that I did not feel the broader conversation had happened.

Could hormonal transition be contributing? Had we considered my history of heavy, prolonged periods and possible iron depletion? Were sleep, vitamin levels, thyroid health, stress and other causes being assessed? What were the benefits, risks and alternatives? What could I do alongside—or before—medication, depending on the seriousness of my condition?

I do not reject treatment simply because it comes from a prescription pad. I am cautious about taking medicine without understanding why I need it, what it is meant to do and whether we have explored the fuller picture. I want informed care, not a label handed over at the end of a rushed appointment.

That is not asking too much. Women deserve healthcare conversations in which hormonal transition is neither blamed for everything nor dismissed as nothing.

Perhaps My Body Is the Test

Maybe this stage is asking me to develop a different relationship with diagnosis.

Not every signal means danger, but every persistent or disruptive signal deserves attention. My body is not betraying me because its rhythm is changing. It is communicating differently.

The missed period is information.

The bloating is information.

The nausea, fatigue, pain, sleep and mood are information.

They are not always the final answer, but they are invitations to pause, record, investigate and care.

That may mean keeping a symptom and bleeding diary. It may mean asking for appropriate blood tests or seeking a practitioner with experience in midlife women’s health. It may mean checking iron levels after heavy bleeding, reviewing nutrition and sleep, or getting a second opinion when something does not make sense. It may also mean accepting treatment when it is properly explained and appropriate.

Root-cause care and evidence-informed medicine do not have to be enemies. The best support can make room for both careful investigation and the daily rituals that help us feel grounded in our own bodies.

Small Rituals While the Answer Is Still Unfolding

Self-care does not replace medical assessment, and a botanical product cannot diagnose perimenopause. But small rituals can offer comfort while we navigate the uncertainty.

The Aphrodite’s Garden CHiLL Hot Flash Cooling Mist offers a light, refreshing botanical mist for moments of sudden warmth. The Menopause Wellness Gift Set brings together the cooling mist, an aromatherapy roller and a relaxation massage oil—simple external-care rituals for cooling, calm and rest, not substitutes for diagnosis or treatment.

Earlier, I wrote about grieving a period that may be saying goodbye. This morning I realised that grief is not always a wish to go backwards. Sometimes it is simply the heart taking a little longer than the body to understand that life has changed.

So, Was the Test a Waste?

No.

A pregnancy test was medically reasonable because sterilisation is highly effective, but no method is infallible. More than that, the test showed me what I was really searching for.

I was not buying the possibility of a baby.

I was buying certainty.

I wanted one possibility ruled in or ruled out. I wanted a full stop in a paragraph crowded with question marks.

Perhaps that was worth R35—even if the boerie roll would have tasted better.

This new chapter may not come with one definitive test or one perfect list of symptoms. I may have to learn it slowly, signal by signal. But I do not have to dismiss myself, frighten myself or surrender responsibility for my care.

I can listen. I can ask questions. I can seek qualified support. I can choose thoughtfully. And I can meet this changing body not as a problem to conquer, but as the body that has carried me through every version of myself.

“Self-care is not always having the answer. Sometimes it is respecting yourself enough to keep listening while the answer unfolds.”

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A Gentle Health Note

At 52, a missed period is commonly associated with perimenopause, but it does not by itself confirm menopause. The World Health Organization explains that natural menopause generally occurs between ages 45 and 55 and is established after 12 consecutive months without menstruation. The Menopause Society notes that skipped periods and changes in flow are common during the transition, but changing or concerning bleeding patterns should still be discussed with a healthcare professional.

Tubal ligation is highly effective but can rarely fail. If a pregnancy test is positive after sterilisation—or there is unusual bleeding, faintness, or sudden or severe abdominal or pelvic pain—urgent medical assessment is important because pregnancy after tubal ligation has a higher chance of being ectopic. See this NHS hospital guidance on sterilisation. Persistent nausea, pain, fatigue or other new symptoms also deserve individual medical assessment rather than being automatically attributed to perimenopause.

Some antidepressants are prescribed for chronic primary pain, including fibromyalgia, because of their effects on pain and sleep—not only depression. Treatment should be based on an individual assessment and a clear discussion of expected benefits, risks and alternatives. See the NICE chronic pain guidance.

This article shares a personal experience for education and reflection. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for individual medical care.